Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
