You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
