I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
