Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
