foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
