When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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