this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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