non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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