you didnt know i had herpes?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
