Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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