I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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