Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
