where am i from again
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
