u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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