I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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