that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
