Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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