I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
