All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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