all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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