My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
