Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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