Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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