Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
