Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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