hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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