Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
