My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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