They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize