I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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