What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
