you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
