so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
