During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
