It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
