You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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