The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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