The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
