my sisters under your porch take her home
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
