there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
