just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
