My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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