i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
