for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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