I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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