I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
