He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
