Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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