watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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