my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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