I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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