i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
