can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I deserve this hangover.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
