You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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