I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
