Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
