pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
