i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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