Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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