I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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