last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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