I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
