actually, I'm a sock model
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
