i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
