oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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