allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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