I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
