Non-Jews are for practice
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
