Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
