I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
