forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
