I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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