Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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