a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
