My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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