Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
